I was trying to keep the whole audition thing a secret. About a week ago, I realized that in order to keep some secrets one has to be willing to lie. I wasn’t willing to lie about this so it all started unraveling. I think for the best. Last week’s lesson shattered me a bit. More than a bit. I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is that he says or does, but I almost always leave his office “less than”.

Tonight, I had a little snack with my biggest competition. 

Here’s a troubling revelation: my eight year old contra bassoon reed from college still works. The troubling aspect of this is that it works BETTER than the Albion Silver Professional reed that I just bought from Forrests for 30 smackeroos. Wish I knew what brand it was and even more, I wish I had found it before shelling out all that cash for a reed I don’t like. At least now I know what measurements to follow for the reed blanks waiting at my desk. Hard to know what’s going to work best when you’re borrowing an unfamiliar instrument that you can’t take home with you.

He flat out asked me if I was taking the audition and I couldn’t lie. We spent the whole time working on the Mozart and Bolero. I am nervous now where before I was not, but I hope it will be a good thing. I had become used to hearing my Fs and my Es flat. I’m not in tune with myself. *scream* I’ve been practicing in a vacuum and it seems that all it does is gear me up to be out of tune and still nervous for the audition. An hour or two a day is not enough practice. I have to do more. It’s going well, but for the Mozart to still be shaky after having it around for so many years is not good. For me to be freaking out right now is not good either. I am a great musician. I just need to let it out and remember to have fun with it.

New fingering for Bolero should help, but it will take a good chunk of time to get used to it. I feel a little guilty that I am considering leaving the kids at Kidco again today so that I can practice, but that is why we signed them up for it. They’re bored but safe, and I should accept it and do what I need to do. Really don’t have any desire to go to playgroup today. Want to stay home and practice and practice and practice until it’s all rock solid and indestructible.

Don’t get distracted by the contra. It is secondary. They will write you off before you even get to it if you screw up on the Mozart.